Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Unveiling of Truth -- The Beginning

So today is the day. The last day before the fast officially begins.

The last week has been very interesting to say the least. Nothing major happening, really, just interesting the things I have begun to learn before it even started.

The service Sunday at church was about addictions....how we are all held hostage to some addiction or another.

I am not an alcoholic, but I could be. I l.o.v.e the feeling of the buzz. Love it. But I learned early on that I can and need to control that urge. It has been hard in really tough times in my life, but I have been successful at staying ahead of that "near" addiction.

I am not a drug addict, too scared for that. I am not a gambler, too cheap for that. I am not a sex addict, too hurt for that. I am not a compulsive liar, too honest for that. I am not many, many things and all by the Grace of God.

But I am addicted. To food (I have a strong need to feel "full"). To words of affirmation. To the approval of those around me. To being busy so I don't have to face tough things....I am a classic avoider. It's crazy, really. But I am addicted.

It is very interesting to me, as well, how the fat bastard ("FB") has played with me all week. I've been praying to see God's face in the next 40 days. To really learn what He wants me to learn and right in the middle of that prayer....I see a picture of a Shamrock Shake from McDonald's. Not even kidding. Last night I went through the drive thru to get one of those but the machine was broken. And it made me PISSY. I realized that my wanting one last night so that during the fast I would not want one but then the machine was down was all part of FB's big plan. His silly plan to tease me and maybe I'd break down and have one next week. Not a chance, FB. Not a chance.

So let the unveiling of truth begin. I'm scared, nervous, excited and THRILLED that God is leading me to do this. I pray that He will show me where I am strong and remind me that where I am not, He will fill in. I pray that He will show me more of who I am and how He wants me to live. I KNOW that He will BE and DO what He says He is going to do.

"Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith. I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!"
~ Philippians 3:8-11

JC is my BFF!


Travis said...

The last time I went on an extended fast, I started preparing a full week out. I began to wean myself from the addictive foods that tend to draw me back in. FRIED FOODS are addictive to me. So, I wean off of those, and the high sugars. And the coffee. But, once my system is cleaned out, I have a much easier time.

Back in the day when I was healthier, I could go for couple of weeks at a time, but not anymore...

I sincerely wish you the best on this quest.

Billy Coffey said...

I like this self-inventory. We all need to take a good, hard look at ourselves sometimes. Many times.

I think this will be good for you, Becki. I admire your committment to this, and I'm praying for you.