Monday, March 16, 2009

The stalker....

I'm 99% sure God is stalking me. I seriously think He is. Oh, don't get your panties all in a bunch. I'm not saying it's a bad thing and I'm honestly (mostly) kidding.

BUT I do feel like every time I turn around, THERE HE IS. He is trying to get my attention. I'm listening and hearing Him, I'm just not ready to do what He is asking me to do.

Ya see.....I feel like as a kid I got jipped and I'm tired of feeling like that.

Sick. And. Tired.

But maybe not sick and tired enough to do anything about it yet. Huh. Better think a little more on that one.

Honestly, I feel very lucky that God is "stalking" me. He'd stalk us all if we let him. AGAIN....NOT A BAD THING SO PLEASE NO COMMENTS! I'm just trying to make a point. For myself as much as for you.

God promised to never leave us or forsake us.

God promised to catch every tear and celebrate every success.

God promised to go before us and pave the way.

God promised to do 1,001 other things.....JUST FOR YOU AND ME.

So why can't I just do what He is asking? Without question or doubt? Without hesitation?

Because it's scary and it's just doesn't FEEL good.

I know.....that's my problem right there in a big, fat nutshell. I'm focusing on how I FEEL right now instead of focusing on what God has promised. I'm focusing on what MIGHT happen instead of what God says He will do WHEN it happens. He'll be there.....and I'm doubting that. Will He REALLY be there? Will He REALLY catch me? OF COURSE HE WILL but for whatever reason I'm struggling with why.

And ya all goes back to what He is asking me to do. He's asking me to lay it all out on the table. Say whats in my heart and move on. Be the adult in a relationship where the older of the two is not now nor has he ever been the adult. God is NOT asking me to mend the relationship....only to lay it all out there and not leave anything unsaid. I've done this before.....several years ago and got nothing in return. Not even a response. Another ding to an already hurting heart. That's why I believe God is not asking for me to make a step towards mending. He's guiding me to say what I need to say so I can truly let it go. So that He can finish His work in ME in this area. It's really not about the other person, it's about the damage to my heart and His desire to mend it.

So I got some work to do yet, but I'm getting there. I am.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

JC is my BFF.....


sharilyn said...

praying for you today... He is there...

Frisbies Forever said...

You called, He is following through. Your turn. Step lively daughter, He will never steer you wrong AND it all turns out right in the end as long as you leap when He says jump, even when it hurts. We love you and are rooting for you with all our hearts! We are 12 strong praying in your behalf.

Billy Coffey said...

Make that 100%.

When we come to the edge and jump, only two things can happen:

We find that we can fly, or He catches us.