Friday, February 26, 2010

Boy, am I human....

Never before has it been quite so obvious that I am a flawed human being. Made in the perfect image of God, but not perfect by any means. I'm not being too hard on myself, honest. Just a wake up call that I am not all that and a bag of chips most days. {Not that I think I am, just sayin'}

God showed up...again.

My need to control and understand ten steps ahead of me is a huge thorn in my side. Why can't I relax and go with the flow? It's my spiritual gift to get my panties in a bunch, I honestly jokingly say. My uncanny ability to see things in the way people talk, react and behave can and DOES get me into trouble. It's weird. I'm pretty good at reading people who are upset, feeling left out or hurt, but I have no clue when my mouth is moving that I am making someone that way. It's also my spiritual gift to open mouth, insert foot.

I said to God this morning {after two long days} that I just don't understand men. I am fairly confident God laughed about that because I was immediately reminded that HE is a MAN. I know, ladies, I know.

I love, love, love, love, love my husband. He is a man...a real man like I've never known before, but a man none the less. He doesn't pick up on the unspoken words us girlies speak when we are upset, in need, hurt or otherwise. He does, on the other hand, want to know {which puts him 800 heads above most men in my book}. He just can't know without being told because that's how God made him. As necessary as it is, it's hard to tell a man what you feel and how you hurt. We want our man to look in our eyes and FEEL it or to be so in tune to who we are that no words need be spoken. That's ridiculous and truly unfair to him...not to mention too trashy romance novel for words!

So I'm learning. I'm learning to say what needs said while remembering that just because I can, it doesn't always mean that I should.

Boy, am I human.

Friday, February 19, 2010


I've been so busy lately I've hardly been able to tell my head from my rear. Seems like there is never enough time in the day to get everything that needs done DONE.

Can I get a witness?!

I had a convo with God the other day about how to get it all done and how to prioritize, what to cut out, what to keep. I'm truly wearing myself out just thinking about it right now. The word that kept coming up through that convo was "blinders".

At the time I was thinking it was just my mind wandering {It does that, ya know}. I went on about my business that day but the word keeps circling back around in my thoughts.


What does that even mean? I have no real idea. Other than the picture I get in my head is of a horse with her "blinders" on meant to keep her from getting distracted. Horse owners use them to keep the horse from seeing things and getting spooked or distracted. {I think....I don't own a horse, only been near one a few yeah. I'm a warehouse of knowledge on this subject and you should totally take me as an authority here}.

But if I'm right and that's the case, then what is God telling me about blinders?

Maybe He wants me to wear them? I have to admit that I am NOT fashion forward enough to literally strap them on my head and wear them.

If I were to put on a pair, a set ...wait...a pair {whatever} of blinders, what am I to be blocking out? The distractions of this world are immense. There are sooo many things that can get me off course, make me lose my focus. Kids, husband, job, house cleaning, working out, fundraising, THE STINKIN' OLYMPICS {OMG-ish....don't even get me started on watching them on tv! They can literally suck hours of my time into oblivion!}. That's all life, CAN get in the way of the to do list.


What if God is telling me about the blinders I have keeping HIM out? Maybe He is telling me to take OFF my blinders and let HIM into my world more. Or better yet, keep them on but tune my newly focused vision on Him instead of everything else.

Yeah....I think that's it. Focus on HIM, not my list.

The bible says in Proverbs 4:25: "Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you." There it is...stop looking around, getting distracted and keep our eyes focused on GOOD things and RIGHT things and HIS promises. I know...easier said than done!

I find myself too busy to pray everyday. I find myself too busy to get in my bible as much as I should. I find myself gossiping or saying things that I know are not pleasing to Him. I bet {if I was the bettin' type, which I'm not} that if I actually put my time with Him first, I'd have the energy to get things done. I bet I'd get the right things done first....the things that matter checked off the list daily. I also bet I'd not be writing this post right now. what? I think I'll stop at the horse supply store on my way home {yes....I drive right by one} and pick up some serious blinders. Maybe literally wearing them will do the trick. You should be seeing me on the cover of Vogue in March....wearing blinders will be the next fashion accessory on the market. Either that....or I'll be on the next episode of "What Not to Wear"! :0}