Monday, June 14, 2010

Giving it to God, one moment at a time....

I so long for the days when life was "easy". No one to check with, no one to run things past, no one to worry about. Even as I write that sentence I know in my heart it is not really what I want. I don't want to be alone or have no one to worry about, care about, love on. I want all of those things.

I just wish it didn't have to be so hard sometimes.

I've been all around the blog world over my lunch hour today and have seen one message loud and clear. God is pushing me to let go of my fear....STILL.

I just wish it didn't have to be so hard sometimes.

Being a parent is hard. Marriage is hard. It's in the little things of doing both of those things that I find my greatest joy.'s in the little things of doing both of those things that I find my greatest fear.

Letting go.

I have an unrealistic fear (which translates as LACK OF FAITH) of losing the people that I love most in the world. Thoughts of impending doom every time someone leaves my sight. It's quite ridiculous, really, and very exhausting.

I have a crazy need to keep everyone close, within my sight and protect them unreasonably. I know that that is how our children grow and learn and become productive adults. I know they have to experience the sting of making a bad choice or the pain of consequences not fully understood at the time of decision making.

But I know what I know.

I've been there, done that. I have regrets that eat me up sometimes and I don't want our girls to be older wishing they knew then what they know now.

There are some big decisions facing two of our girls today. One will let me in to "help", the other will not. Both need to do this on their own, but it's almost too painful to watch. Being on the brink of adulthood is exciting and the anticipation of making all your "own" decisions and starting your life is so fun.

Being an adult is also not all it's cracked up to be.

So I know what God is pushing me to do. To let go of the things that are not mine to control and RELAX. He's asking me, again, to let Him handle the path while I just be there if questions are asked. He's asking me to pray for each of them....for their hearts, for their minds, for the people who influence them and for their desire to seek Him first.

I just wish it didn't have to be so hard.

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

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