Friday, July 31, 2009

Grip....

Fear. It has a strong grip on my heart right now.

And. I. Don't. Like. It.

This post is gonna be messy, people. Consider yourself forewarned.

I'm scared. Out of my mind.

Why?

TOMORROW. Tomorrow is my very first art fair. I signed up for one last November. Paid some good money to get in. Panicked and backed out. Didn't get my money back either. Why did I back out? Because I'm a freakin' CHICKEN, that's why.

FAILURE.

I fear it. Just writing that word freaks me out. I cannot fail. Yet I have many times and yet I still get out of bed in the morning and the world still turns. So WHY do I still fear failure so much when I've never keeled over dead from it before????

That's the question of the day, my friends.

I KNOW that God has a plan for this. I know it because HE opened this door.

I got an email from a friend a month or so ago. She is really one of my biggest cheerleaders. Email said that her church was having its second annual art fest at a local park on August 1st. She thought I should get my stuff together and DO IT. I said YEAH!!!! Knowing how I retreat at the first sign of pressure, I still did it.

Got some info from the event planners. Free to vendors. Hallelujah ('cuz I'm cheap). Send in a check for $75 to secure a spot. They won't cash the check....but return it when I check in. Again, hallelujah. All you need, Ms. Vendor, is a tent and your own tables. Cool. I can buy that stuff. But I couldn't. Decided that I didn't really want to make that purchase and then have a bomber show and lose money on the deal. The next day, I get an email from the event planners: THEY WILL PROVIDE TENTS FOR THE VENDORS WHO NEED THEM. DON'T WANT ANYONE TO NOT PARTICIPATE BECAUSE OF THAT.

Crap.

God sent that email. He knew what I was doing and He eliminated my excuse.

So.....I'm back in. I purchase what I need to put together matted photos. Decide on pricing. Gather tables, table coverings, display items, purchase a banner, make a list, then another list, and quite possibly a third list...because, ya know....I'm a list maker.

I'm all set. But for a few minor details, I have everything I need.

EXCEPT MY CONFIDENCE.

It's lost. Gone. Out the window. Run away like a speeding train in the night.

I read yesterday a quote that I am pretty sure God put in front of me.....Only thing He forgot to do was put this quote in flashing, neon letters. I'm just sayin'....

“Never doubt in the dark what God told you in the light.” ~ Raymond Edman

I know. I'm doing exactly that. Doubting God's promise to me. Shame on me, I know.

I've told myself a thousand and one times yesterday and today....If I fail and sell nothing tomorrow it's because God has a lesson in there for me. FIND IT and work it out. If I'm successful and selling everything, it's because God has a lesson in that for me too. FIND IT and work it out.

**sigh**

So as you look through the pictures below of what I'm planning to give way to any sucker who walks by I'm selling, pray for me please. Pray that God reminds me of His purpose for me and that I rest in knowing He has this all worked out ahead of me. Thanks, peeps. You all da bomb.


















3 comments:

Frisbies Forever said...

You are going to do FABULOUS!!! I know it. I LOVE your artwork. I am sure oodles of others will too, even if they can't afford it. You WILL change hearts and uplift spirits.

Candace Jean July 16 said...

"Courage is fear that has said its prayers."

Between the gift God has given you with your art and His neverending grace, you're going to have a GREAT time! I think your work is fabulous! The sunsets are particularly stunning.

Crystal said...

Becki,
You did a great job on Saturday! I stopped by with our little girl and took a look at your beautiful pictures. She was the one with the cookie all over her face :) Anyway, I check out your website and really liked your family shots. I will keep you in mind the next time we do family photos. Anyway, just wanted to say that you did awesome, your artwork is amazing, and I hope that you found the lesson He had in mind for you :) Have a great day!