Unloved no longer....

“I’ll call nobodies and make them somebodies; I’ll call the
unloved and make them beloved.” (Rom. 9:25 MSG)

During this spiritual journey I've been on, God has plopped some pretty awesome things down in front of me. Things I didn't know existed. Things I didn't know to be true. He has really opened up my world...all because I opened up mine to Him.

That's the key, you know. Stepping out in faith and being open to what God wants to show you. I truly believe that you need to be careful what you pray for though. I mean CAREFUL. If you ask for forgiveness in your heart for something someone has done to you, He'll give that to you but you can't then say you aren't ready for it or don't want it. It just doesn't work that way.

I asked for God to show me LOVE. What it really is. What it means. How to receive it and give it and....what the heck to do with it when you get it. I'll admit it. I have no idea how to be in a relationship or truly love someone in a positive, meaningful way (and I'm not talking about as a parent....just talking about in an adult relationship). I had no good role models for this growing up. I've seen and been a part of things as a child and, honestly, as an adult that just aren't ok and normal. But when I prayed for God to show me love, He showed me. Plopped it right down in front of my face.

I've learned that to love someone else you have to TRULY love yourself first. I'm not talking about being IN LOVE with yourself. That just leads to a sinful heart and opens you up to destruction. I'm talking about loving yourself as God does. Seeing in you what God sees. Believing in yourself the way God believes in you. When you get that tank filled up with God's love, it will flow out of you without any effort on your part. Sure....relationships take work, but it sure is a lot easier to give something if you have it available to you first.

God has emptied my heart and filled it back up again. He has showed me the hurt, heartache, pain that comes from unhealthy relationships and has filled me up and is preparing me for a healthy one. One that means seeking Him first. One that is His will and gives Him glory. God is paving the way for me to give what He has given me. My light will shine for Him sure enough.

I found on Max Lucado's website the following. It's a pretty cool way to remember who we are WITH Christ. Insert your name in the blanks. This is a great place to start and a great place to come back to when learning about the love God has for us, gives us and expects us to overflow to those around us. If you are struggling....and even if you are not....use this below to remind you of the gift that we are given everyday.

Christ in _____ is patient, Christ in _____ is kind. Christ in _____ does not envy, Christ in _____ does not boast, Christ in _____ is not proud. Christ in _____ is not rude, Christ in _____ is not self-seeking, Christ in _____ is not easily angered, Christ in _____ keeps no record of wrongs. Christ in _____ does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Christ in _____ always protects, always perseveres. Christ in _____ never fails.

This is the LOVE that God has shown me I am capable of giving and I deserve to receive.

JC is my BFF!

Joy = Strength

"The joy of the Lord is your strength." ~ Nehemiah 8:10

God keeps putting that one in my head. Been tossing it around trying to really understand what it means. I think today I have finally begun to get it. I've learned so much these last few months....it's hard to sort it all out and put words to it. The biggest thing I've learned so far is that with God I can have peace. True peace. And joy. Not the kind of joy that you get with a new car or a new whatever thing that makes you happy. The kind of joy you get when things are not going well, when you find yourself in a dark valley. You are able to smile through it and stay CALM knowing that God has it all planned out and is working ahead of you for your good. Now that's what I'm talkin' about.

I'm coming out of a valley....headed back up the mountain. God has been with me all the way. Teaching me, showing me, "cleaning out" my heart and helping me see how things should be. It's exciting, scary, fun and exhausting.

My journey to finding my true self is on-going, but I finally see pieces of the real me coming out. Things I want to share with others and I've started to realize that I am fully capable of making a lasting impression on this world for the better. God gave me gifts and talents and He is showing me who to share them with. I'm letting Him choose and make those choices and, boy, is that a ton easier! He knows their hearts and He knows their intentions. He's a pretty good "wing man"! :)

As you know, I am a very impatient person....I believe I have described myself as having the patience of a flea. That's getting easier too. I have always wanted to know how the story ends before I start reading it. I realized, with the help of a very good, smart friend, that if I know how it ends, I either won't go through it or will "prepare to lessen the pain" and miss the blessing God has planned. So....for the first time EVER....I started a new book and am all the way to chapter 7 and haven't even THOUGHT about looking at the end! God is so good. :0)

JC is my BFF....

New website design....

It's been needing it. A rearrangement and tweakin'. So tonight I spent a few hours listening to the 50+ winds howl outside and worked on my website. Check it out - www.outoftheashesphoto.com and let me know what you think. Still needs a lot of little things done but for the most part it's in it's final stage.

Spring is comin' and I intend to be very busy so I need to get marketing started and pricing set. Yeah! I'm excited for the first time in a long time.

God sent me an email today (No. Really. He did.) He pretty much told me to quit whining about things and get it done. Invest some time and some brainpower. He said "You can't stay focused on defeat and expect to move forward in victory."

He was right. He always is. :)

JC is my BFF!

Reflections on my blogger name....

My new friend Hope42Day has left a few comments so I checked out a post they wrote called "Reflections on my blogger name" which just told the story of why they chose Hope42Day. I thought that was a pretty cool idea so I decided to do the same.

One of my favorite verses and one that God has directed to me several times is Romans 8:30-32:

"And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?"

God showed me this verse when I was in a huge valley in my life and bad things were being said and believed about me by someone I trusted and loved. I was heartbroken and could not understand why these things were happening....why someone would say and truly believe this of me. Especially since it was far from the truth. When I read it, I saw that God had my back. That no matter what anyone else thought of me or said about me, God knew my true heart and believed in me. He gave His son for ME and IF GOD IS FOR ME WHO CAN BE AGAINST ME???

Whenever I have tough times or struggle with self esteem or worry, I just remind myself that God is for me. It has been brought to my attention that it is not correct to "change the verse to say me instead of us" and that I have it wrong. BUT LET ME ASSURE YOU. I don't. God gave me the OK. The green light. I got the nod from the Big Fella Himself to use it how I have. If I was a kid I'd be sticking my tounge out right now. :)

If you have a blog and are reading this, post a "Reflections on my blogger name" too. I'd love to know how you came up with your blog name!

JC is my BFF!

The Prize.....

It's Saturday night. No kids. TV all to myself....only I can't find the remote and it really stinks having to get up off the couch to change the channel. Amazing how dependant (and not to mention lazy!) I have become. With the remote I only have to move to shift around and get comfy. Without it, I have to actually get off my bum and do something. Whoa is me.

Anyway, I totally digress. The TV. To myself. That's what I was saying. Without the remote I found myself stuck on the documentary channel. The show I was forced to watch was "The Life of a Marathon."

Huh. I can watch this. Done two full marathons and two half marathons. I think I'll give this show a few minutes to see if it's worth getting up to see what else is on. Turns out, it was just the show I needed to watch. I have a feeling God even hid my remote. He has a crazy sense of humor.

It was following several people as they train for the 2005 (I think?) Chicago Marathon. Deena Kastor, Athens Olympic Bronze medalist, a Kenyon guy who is stinkin' good and several regular Joe's like you and me. It showed the 20 mile long runs where the trainer is giving a great speech to the group about how it's "just 20 miles" and all that hokey they fill you with before you take off (it works so I shouldn't call it hokey). At the end, it showed each as they went through the race. It showed their ups and downs, when they hit "the wall" and when they crossed the finish line exhausted and spent.

Then it hit me. Not a new revelation to many, I'm sure, but I've never really looked at running a marathon as a metaphor for life. But it is. A good one too. If you've never run a marathon, allow me to explain. If you have, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

You have the training. You start out unable to run even 1 mile. Not kidding. It hurts to even really just walk from the house to the trail. "Are we done yet?" is what you think in those first few minutes.

Eventually over time you work your way up to running 3 miles at a time, 5 miles at a time, 3-6 times a week. It feels GOOD. First mile for me always stinks....not until mile 3 do I get in my grove. But you realize finally that all your hard work is paying off and you are able to do more than you ever thought possible with just some practice and some dedication.

You get to your first "long run" day. A long run is when you run non-stop (seriously) for an extended mileage....10 miles, 15 miles, 20 miles, etc. Very important for training.

After several months of hard work, it's race day. You get to the start....your heart is pumping. In Honolulu I ran with 28,000 people. No kidding. That many people in ONE place. There is nothing more intense and exciting. You can feel the buzz in the air.

You start out fast....too fast probably, but it feels so good to finally get moving. Several months of training and this is the last 26.2 miles! You can do it! A steady, even pace settles in about mile 3. At mile 9 you are still going strong. Feel great and really have good wind and legs still.

I personally trained myself to run to the water stations which are on average situated along the course every 1.5 to 2.5 miles. I get to walk through the water station (I'm blond and running and drinking are not as easy as you think). Plus, I got to allow myself to say "I made it. Now to the next water station."

All along the course, you hear people cheering for you. Rooting you on. They don't know you and you don't know them but it doesn't matter. Many of them stand there for hours just to cheer the runners on. And you NEED them. Like you need water and electrolytes and air. You NEED them. They lift your spirits and give you encouraging words to keep you moving.

By mile 18 or so the "wall" starts to come on. Physically you are exhausted. Mentally your mind is telling your legs to quit....just sit down. Just stop for a few minutes. But your heart....ah, your heart. It's telling you NO. Keep moving. One foot in front of the other. You started this stupid, crazy thing so you WILL finish it.

What about the lady running next to you? For the last two miles or so you have really been struggling....feeling sorry for yourself cuz it stinkin' HURTS. Then all of the sudden she hits her wall and you see it. You shout to her "COME ON SISTA!!! You can do it! We are so almost there!" She smiles and you run by her with a renewed spring in your step. She needed you at that moment and you needed her.

Just a few short miles later, you see the finish line. It's off in the distance yet but you can SEE it. What a powerful motivator that is. You want it so bad. You want to get there and hear the crowd cheer you on. You want to just sit down. :)

As you cross the finish line your body now (for me at least) has a second wind! You feel so wonderful and can't even imagine what you've just accomplished. You are grinning ear to ear as the guy next to you throws up on a volunteer. NOTE: If you ever want to volunteer to help in a marathon, avoid the finish line. Throw up is common place around there.

How does all this relate to life, you ask? How doesn't it.

In life we "train". For grades, for jobs, for kids and marriage, FOR GOD.

In life we endure "long distances" of pain or strain.

In life we get to the place where we are at the "starting line"....first day of college, marriage, babies, jobs, our new (or re-newed) relationship with Jesus.

In life we hit "walls" when the tough times come. When we think we cannot go on for one more second, someone from "the crowd" cheers for us. Encourages us to keep moving.

In life we stumble and almost give up but the "runner" next to us says we are almost there....keep moving.

In life we get to "water stations" where we can walk and take a breather....get our minds reset for the next "water station".

In life we see the "finish line". We want it so bad we can taste it. We need to keep our eyes on that finish line....it directs us where to go and how to get there. That finish line, in my life, is Jesus. He is the only true victory I have when I cross the finish line. If I keep my eyes on the Him, everything around me is just that. Around me.

As I cross the finish line, I will look up and smile for the camera for I just ran the race of my life. And I know that Jesus is in the crowd, at the water station, the runner next to me and one who will put the finisher's medal around my neck. After all, it's that medal and His glory that I am running for.

WHERE ARE MY RUNNING SHOES? I need to put one foot in front of the other and not stop until I cross that finish line.

JC is my BFF!!!

"Don't you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets a prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in the training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with PURPOSE in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should." ~ 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Working out, not on....

It's funny how you're sometimes just rollin' along, minding your own business and WHAM! Out of the blue you see something or hear something and you get a revelation. I had one of those today. Just a small one, but a revelation none the less.

I've committed 2009 to taking a deep spiritual journey. Already, in just 9 shorts days, I have come a long way (if I do say so myself). I get a daily devotional via email from Rick Warren/Purpose Driven Life. Yes....he writes it just for me. If you get the email in your inbox, just know it was WRITTEN for me and just SHARED with you. Just kidding. Anyway, today's was titled: "Spritual Growth Must Be Intentional". (See. Written just for me. :0)

Check it out:

"The truth is that growth in the human soul requires a
commitment to grow. A person must want to grow,

decide to grow, and make an effort to grow. Spiritual

growth begins with a decision. It doesn’t have to be a
complex decision, but it does have to be sincere."

So there it is. You gotta want it. You gotta work for it. You gotta make it a priority.

The devotional went on to talk about how we should "work out our salvation" (Phil. 2:12). That was my revelation. Right there. The need to work OUT not work ON. In order to find my true heart, discover what's in there, I need to work OUT my salvation! Give of myself - my time, my finances, my energy, my heart to others. I can read the bible, attend church and pray like crazy (all really wonderful things and definitely a requirement in the spiritual process) but in the end, I need to pour OUT God who is in me to others....and there is where my treasure will be found. I need to INTENTIONALLY and SINCERELY turn my journey from just looking inside me and focusing on what needs tweaked in there towards what is outside me as well....teach and be taught, love and be loved, respect and be respected.

I'm not working ON my spritual journey anymore. I am working it OUT. Amen....and amen!

JC is my BFF!!!!

Fat Head....

No....I'm not a Fat Head, nor am I calling you one! I just wanted to share what a customer did with one of my action shots. I'm sooo excited. I shot this at the ADMSC Shoot the Moon Soccer Tournament this last fall. They turned it into a Fat Head and gave it to their son as a Christmas present! HOW COOL IS THAT??? Just makes my day. :)

Cant' wait for spring to get here. I miss my camera. I can take pictures in the winter but without much going on, there isn't much to take. Got a few sunrise shots the other day, but I'm just in a slump and ready to get back to it.

JC is my BFF!

TAG! I'm it!!!

I got tagged the other day by my friend Billy! As a kid I disliked that game very much. I was just too stinkin' slow to ever be not "it". BUT...this is a good kind of tag!

The rules are simple: list six random or weird facts about yourself, and then tag six others.

So, it took me awhile to figure out which six I should share....my life is mostly just random and weird so these things are normal to me! Here are my six:

1) At age 22, I got a tattoo. It's a purple rose on my inside left ankle. It's purple because that was my mom's favorite color and I didn't want her to freak when she saw it. Remember...I just said I was 22 when I got it. Who the heck cares what she thought! Oh, if I could do it all over again....I'd fo' sho have a big something or other plastered across my chest. JUST KIDDING! How, when and where I got my tattoo is another interesting story altogether....I'll save that for another post. And BTW....I do think tattoos on guys are sexy. Girls....not so much.

2) I was a HORRIBLE child from age 12 to about age 14. Horrible. So bad, in fact, that when my mother found out my first child was going to be a girl she laughed. Said that what you give comes back threefold. I have three daughters....and so far she is wrong! They are wonderfully NOT like me at that age. Thank ya Jesus!

3) In high school I worked at Wendy's. My boss loved me and I got away with everything. Mostly 'cuz I worked hard but I was his favorite regardless. On my last day of work before I moved away for college, he and some of my co-workers drug me back to the prep area and held me against the wall. He took the spray hose and DRENCHED me....never been that wet in my entire life. Ever. After my drenching they threw me in the trash bin. It was disgusting. All just to tell me they would miss me. :)

4) I have run 2 marathons, 2 half marathons, the Dam to Dam (20k) and several 5 and 10k's. I started running for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society in 2005 as part of their Team in Training program. I raised nearly $10,000 for the Society and they in turn trained me to run marathons. Ran the Honolulu Marathon in December 2005 and Nashville Country Music Marathon in April 2007. This is probably one of the things that I am the most proud of about myself. Not easy to be a single parent, work full time and train to run a marathon, but I did it. And....I have the bug again. Training now to run the Dam to Dam again in June. Just gotta put one foot in front of the other and once you start you don't stop til you cross the finish line. Both good things to live by in running and in life.

5) Once taught a Frenchman to "high five". I was in France, Italy and Switzerland for 3 weeks right out of high school with my french class. Our bus driver spoke no English whatsoever but he was a total hoot. By the end of the trip he was "high fiving" everyone he saw. I'm sure it is a craze that swept up the country and all of France now high five's on a regular basis because of me. I'm just sure of it. :)

and...

6) If I was to ever go crazy and become a nutso stalker, I'd park myself on Vince Vaughn's front step. He is just so stinkin' yummy. But since I'm not nutso and really have no desire to be nutso, Vince, baby, you are safe. I will adore you from afar. :)

So....TAG! You are IT to the following (only picking four):

My sweet friend Lorianne at Frisbies Forever

My sweet friend Mags at The Grinstead Family

My buddy Brad at Run...

My talented friend who inspires me Teri at Restless Peace

Thanks, Billy, for tagging me! :)

JC is my BFF....

What lies behind us.....

Ran into this quote today. Sorta jumped off the page when I read it:

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny compared to
what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you've read any of my previous posts these last few weeks, you'd know that I am on a spiritual journey. One that I believe and hope will take me to my true heart. We all know what is in our past and pray for what we hope will be our future, but really, how many of us know what lies within us?

YIKES.

That's what comes to mind for me. Yikes. It's so easy to just go with the status quo. Maintain my present course. Keep on keepin' on. But God is telling me I can't do that anymore. He wants inside of my heart and He wants to transform it. I have no problem with Him doing this if He'd just get to it already. Why does it have to take so stinkin' long? I'm ready to move on, press forward and get to the good stuff.

What's that you say? God works in His time and not mine?? God's plan does not include asking me for pointers or suggestions on how to get this done and done quicker??

Point taken.

I guess I've learned that my biggest problem is this: My past. It's there in the rear view mirror and it haunts me. Not all the time. Not every day. But it does. Just pops up and rears it's ugly head every once in awhile. I have asked for His forgiveness and I forget that He has truly FORGIVEN. When He washed away my sins, He forgot about them too. Which I'm not sure how that works and why, but it says so right in the bible. So there I must rest my faith. Walk by faith not by sight, they say. I L.O.V.E. to say that, but I rarely practice it myself.

**sigh**

It's the devil that makes me question God's true forgiveness. I'm working hard on remembering what GOD SAYS about me instead:

• He says He made me special....just as I am.
• He says He loves me and will not leave me or forsake me.
• He says I have a place next to Him in heaven.
• He says He is my light and my salvation. Because of Him I shall have no fears.
• He says I am the BOMB BIGGITY BABY. Ok...not really those words but something very similar. :0)

This quote has spoken to me in a couple of ways:

1) What lies behind me is BEHIND me. Don't forget that. What I've done and what others have done to me, DONE. Get over it already. My past is not my shame, but my story.

2) What lies before me is not for me to know or control. God has it all worked out and is getting it all ready as we speak. I can't rush Him (as much as I'd like to!) so I might as well just be happy with where I am. BECAUSE IT SURE AIN'T WHERE I WAS.

3) What lies within me is GOOD. I know that it is because God told me that Himself. Straight from the horse's mouth, folks. He sees my heart and sees what I have left to give to Him to mould and shape and transform.

I have a true peace within me these days. Many regrets, much heartache but a peace that I have never had before. Peace that comes from knowing God is with me, He is working on me and He is handling it all. Peace that comes from letting go (even slowly) the things that I cannot control and the things that have hurt my heart.

So....as I sit here and want to rush God into getting this all done and so I can get to the good stuff, God just reminded me of something else I need to remember and know everyday:

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." ~ Psalm 27:14

JC is my BFF!

When God goes to the laundromat....

I'm a laundromat person. I am. And I'm not too ashamed of it either. I used to be but then I started to pay attention to my time there....and how little I had to be there versus in my basement doing laundry. I can get a week's worth done in an hour and a half. AND....it costs me less money. But really, I'm not here to justify why I am a laundromat person. I just am and I'm ok with it.

I love to go do laundry by myself....leave the girls home, take a book and get 'er dun. I've seen it all in that place. Seriously.

I live in a small town....maybe 3,500 people or so. Couple bars, several churches, 3 gas stations (all on the same corner!), one stop light and a laundromat. You know the place. Small town, anywhere. But it surprises me how many different types of people are in this town. Makes me wonder about their story....where they came from and why they are here of all places.

Today started out like every other time I've been in there. Once things are running, I grab my book and sit down. An older gentleman is there, waiting for his things to dry. He said hello as I walked in, nodded his head. Shortly after, a young mother came in with three children in tow. She seems....frazzled. Nothing new. I've had a frazzled moment or two in my day. So I go back to my book.

I'm starting a new to me Max Lucado book so I'm ready to dig in and not too excited about these little kids. I love kids, don't get me wrong. But I dislike very much when they are running and screaming and disturbing my "me" time. I can't help but pay attention to them. Oldest was about 8, next was probably 6 and the youngest maybe 3. Cute kids, but they were wound tight.

So as I was attempting to read (again....ADD, people....very easily distracted here), I decided to people watch instead. The man who was there quickly wrapped up his duties and left. The noise was clearly too much for him. I watched him leave and turned my attention to the middle kiddo. She was the only girl....much like me....poor kid was a brother sandwich. Pretty little girl with pigtails, sitting on the floor with her doll. Didn't seem to care much about where she was or what she was doing....all the while keeping a very close eye on her momma.

The boys were running around and around, climbing on the washers, the chairs, the tables. The oldest had a toy gun in his hand and kept putting it to his baby brothers face...."Bang! Bang!" he would shout at the top of his lungs. Each time I winced. I wanted so badly to take the gun from him. To explain what he was doing and how that was just not ok....even if it was a toy. I was blatantly aware that that was not my place and thanked God He gave me all girls. :)

By this time I am ready to put things in the dryer. As I walk over, I see mom sitting in the chair, her head in one hand, the other holding her phone.

"Please stop. Just please stop. That's not true."

The little girl has gotten up off the floor and is standing next to her mother now....the look on that little girl's face breaks my heart. She is hearing all of this and can't truly understand. But she KNOWS. She just does. She knows the hurt and the sadness. She sees her mom and wants it to go away, to be better.

I look at mom again. She is now rubbing something hanging around her neck. It's a cross....and she's rubbing it with all that she has. Her eyes close and a tear runs down her cheek. Also on the necklace is a wedding ring, hers I assume. She's rubbing that too. I wonder what her story is. What is she hearing? What is she thinking? Is she praying? I sure hope so and say a prayer for her myself. Right then and there.

I've been there. Been that little girl, been that mom. Been praying so hard it hurts and mad because the prayer I wanted wasn't answered. I've been in her shoes...or what I assume are her shoes. And my heart aches for her. I want to tell her she will be ok, but will she? Will it all work out? By God's standards you bet it will. But does she KNOW that? I pray that she does and if she doesn't she opens the door to her heart so God can show her what He has shown me.

She hangs up the phone and stands up. She looks at me and our eyes meet. For only a brief second. I smile at her....just had no words. She smiles back. What a pretty girl....even with her red, tear stained face.

God showed up in that moment. I KNOW it.

She grabbed her daughter and pulled her close to her hip and said to me, "Sorry for bothering you." I told her it was fine and asked if she was ok. She said yes and that it was just "one of those days". I told her I understood. More than she knows. I know about those days.

We chit chatted a bit and when it was time for me to leave I told her that I had prayed for her. That I just wanted her to know that I was asking God to give her to some peace. She looked at me and smiled. She said she was praying for the same thing so maybe, if both of us were praying that, maybe God would finally hear her.

I know He did. Hear her that is. He hears her prayers before she even says them. He knows her desperate need before she can even understand it herself.

God was there in that laundromat today. Doing what He does. "Cleaning" hearts and "washing" souls.

I'm a laundromat person....now more than ever. God shows up in the most unlikely places. Even the laundromat.

JC is my BFF....

New day, new promise....

Every morning when I wake up, I thank God for a new day. A new day to make things right. Not by my standards, certainly. Nothing will ever be right by my own doing. I thank Him for a new day, a new promise. Making things right doesn't mean I go around and try to be good all day and tell everyone how great they are and how sorry I am for the day before. I'd be exhausted before I even left my house.

No....making things right just simply means seeking God's direction BEFORE I open my mouth, BEFORE I judge, BEFORE I fly off the handle.

And I am terrible at it.

Seeking Him first, I mean. Ask anyone I've ever been in a relationship with. Ask co-workers of mine. Ask my girls. With ADD (and this is NOT an excuse....it's the truth), my mind races. Faster than a speeding bullet most of the time. My mouth has already spoken words before my mind can think "DON'T SAY THAT". While in a conversation, this is especially true if a heated one, my mind is thinking ahead of the person talking, coming up with my rebuttal. IT'S FRUSTRATING. Not just for the person I'm talking to but for me as well. It's something my mind has always done. In doing some research (again, I'm ADD....me and reading dry information for an extended period of time don't mix), I've learned a ton about my habits, why they happen, how they are connected. Not much out there on how to change the behaviors so I feel like I am treading in deep water....by myself.

Then God steps in.

He has a way of showing me things just when I am ready to give up. Just when I am ready to say "oh well....this has been me for a very long time. If someone doesn't like it, they can walk away". And people have. Many times. But not God. He has been seeking my heart since before I was born. When others tell me I am no good or that I am crazy (and yes....people have actually said these things), God tells me He loves me. He tells me He has a plan for me. Keep plugging away, searching for the answers I seek. He reminds me that He is holding me up and walking with me on this journey of self discovery.

Others can decide they have an issue they need to deal with and research it and change. I can, too, but just in a different way. It takes me much longer to process information....and not because I'm dumb. ADD minds struggle with where to put new information....which "file" to place the info. Most people might place the word "ball" in the "B" file but I would most likely put it there AND in the "R" for round file. Then the problem comes when I try to retrieve that new found information to share it or remember what I learned, I can't find it because it's stored in an illogical place or because I have too much in too many files....so things are all jumbled up and hard to find. THAT'S FRUSTRATING.

So each morning I wake up and thank God for a new day. A new day to learn more, seek Him first and make things right THROUGH Him. With today being the first day of a new year, I will thank Him today for a new year as well. A new year to refresh and learn and live.

I'm learning about myself....my needs, my must haves and my no ways. 2009 will be a great year for me....much will be discovered and much will be celebrated. It's a new day, a new promise, my friends. What will you do with your new day?

JC is my BFF....