Big time actor in a small time production....

I'm a snooze hitter. Not once, not twice and not even three times usually. I hit it upwards of 8 times...every morning. My husband on the other hand? He could get up on the first ring....old Army guy, ya know.

It's during that "half asleep, half awake" stage that I usually have my best thoughts and brightest ideas. It's also the clearest time of day for me personally to hear God.

Lights off. Warm under the covers. Not fully aware of what I need to be doing and still not yet in high gear to start the day.

This morning was no exception.

God clearly said to me this morning, "Why do you treat me like a big time actor in your small time production? Why do you think that I'm too big, too famous, too anything to show up for you? You've booked me. I said I'd come. Why, then, do you not believe that I will? And, by the way, who said your production is small time anyway? I didn't."

I nearly sat straight up. Rubbed the sleep from my eyes and looked around. It was a bit shocking and a bit hard to believe. I laid back down and thought about what He'd just said to me.

Mark and I are reading the book of Jeremiah together every night before we go to sleep. We just started it and the first few chapters are God pretty angry with His people for idolizing other gods and acting as if He was doing things wrong. Acting as if He wasn't there....

And God was right. I do treat Him as if He is too big for me, too big to care about what I have going on in my little "small time production". I struggle with His ability to see me or care about me on a daily basis. I KNOW that to be false but yet that's where the fat bastard has his biggest stronghold.

Mark and I are also reading a nightly devotional and last night was the difference between faith and trust. I have FAITH in God....I know who He is, I know He is there. But, trust? That I don't have....not enough, anyway. The example in the devotional was a wheel barrel and a tightrope across the Niagara Falls. I have faith that God could walk that tightrope and push the wheel barrel across with no problem. But....would I climb in that wheel barrel and let Him push me across the falls on that tightrope? Gulp. I don't think so.

And I believe that was God's point. I have faith in Him, I just don't trust Him enough to do what He says He will do.

Now what? I don't know the answer to that question or how to even begin to believe. He's worked in my life....seen it first hand on numerous occasions, but yet I still doubt.

So I will take today, right now, right this second as it comes and I will remind myself that HE IS HERE. He already showed up. He said He'd come and He did. That's all I can do and that's all I can ask of Him.

Amen and amen.

I don't care what you say, but.....

GOD.

SHOWS.

UP.

He does and He did. Not when I wanted Him to and not when I really thought He should, but right on time. His time.

Mark made it home Saturday night, by the way. All in one piece, too. Super tired but home and ok. WHEW.

It was a long weekend for me. I slept and avoided and then realized I needed to CHANGE my typical way of dealing with things. Instead of turning and running away, I stayed and faced my fear. And you know what? Mark stayed too. That is one way God showed up. Just having someone in my life who does NOT do things like everyone else has proved to me that God really does know what He is doing....with my heart and with this relationship.

This morning I received an email from someone I consider a good friend. I won't say his name because I'm not sure how comfortable he will be with me sharing but he wrote something that was brilliant. My friend and I went through Christ Life Solutions together. He read my blog and wanted to tell me he liked it and then said something I absolutely love and need to share. Forgive me, friend, but God showed up in your email today, too, and I really think He wants it to be shared.

Here is what he wrote:

"My car was parked outside and the windshield had frost on it; I knew that if I backed it up just a few feet, that the sun would penetrate and melt the frost quickly. I thought if only the other SON could penetrate my heart that quick and take away the hard shell that has grown around my heart to protect it from getting hurt again."

I love it and he is sooooo right! If ONLY the SON could penetrate our hearts and melt the frost! And you know what??? HE CAN and HE DOES. Our job is to just back the car up. That's the act of faith God needs from us to melt the frost. He can do it....faster than the blink of an eye, but He desires us to bring it to Him first.

So put the car in reverse, friend. You only need to back it up a few small feet and He will meet you right there in the SONlight.

Gotta go.....need to back my car up! :0)

"For I have chosen you and I will NOT throw you away." ~ Isaiah 41:9

JC is my BFF....

Unveiling of Truth -- The Beginning

So today is the day. The last day before the fast officially begins.

The last week has been very interesting to say the least. Nothing major happening, really, just interesting the things I have begun to learn before it even started.

The service Sunday at church was about addictions....how we are all held hostage to some addiction or another.

I am not an alcoholic, but I could be. I l.o.v.e the feeling of the buzz. Love it. But I learned early on that I can and need to control that urge. It has been hard in really tough times in my life, but I have been successful at staying ahead of that "near" addiction.

I am not a drug addict, too scared for that. I am not a gambler, too cheap for that. I am not a sex addict, too hurt for that. I am not a compulsive liar, too honest for that. I am not many, many things and all by the Grace of God.

But I am addicted. To food (I have a strong need to feel "full"). To words of affirmation. To the approval of those around me. To being busy so I don't have to face tough things....I am a classic avoider. It's crazy, really. But I am addicted.

It is very interesting to me, as well, how the fat bastard ("FB") has played with me all week. I've been praying to see God's face in the next 40 days. To really learn what He wants me to learn and right in the middle of that prayer....I see a picture of a Shamrock Shake from McDonald's. Not even kidding. Last night I went through the drive thru to get one of those but the machine was broken. And it made me PISSY. I realized that my wanting one last night so that during the fast I would not want one but then the machine was down was all part of FB's big plan. His silly plan to tease me and maybe I'd break down and have one next week. Not a chance, FB. Not a chance.

So let the unveiling of truth begin. I'm scared, nervous, excited and THRILLED that God is leading me to do this. I pray that He will show me where I am strong and remind me that where I am not, He will fill in. I pray that He will show me more of who I am and how He wants me to live. I KNOW that He will BE and DO what He says He is going to do.

"Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith. I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!"

~ Philippians 3:8-11

JC is my BFF!

I know a man.....

I know a man. A smart man.

After a recent meeting, smart man and his co-worker went to lunch. During their time together, the co-worker's wife called.

"Man, she just calls me to chit chat about nothing," said the co-worker while shaking his head.

"That right there is the second most important phone call you will ever get," said smart man. "The first being the call from God. The second? The call from your wife."

Smart man went on to explain how all the hard work co-worker is putting into his career will be nothing if he doesn't put his wife before his job. She will be gone and he will have missed out on the best things in life for the wrong reasons.

This conversation really happened. There are men out there who GET what it means to be a man.

Being a man doesn't mean you work really hard and assume that just providing for her makes her happy. It means having your priorities straight: 1) God 2) wife 3) children 4) job.

Being a man doesn't mean being tough and bossy and controlling. It means seeking her wisdom and asking her opinion then making decisions based on God's guidance. He seeks God then his wife then God again.

Being a man doesn't mean she walks behind him. It means she walks beside him. A man treats his girl....like a girl. Opens the door for her, tells her he loves her, protects her and guides her. He speaks softly to her. He sees her as his friend, not his enemy. He cherishes her just as she cherishes him.

Ya see....I know a man. A smart man. His name is Mark and he's my smart man.

I've learned more from just being around him than I have in all my years alive. Maybe it's because I'm finally ready to learn what God's true plan is for a man and a woman. Maybe it's because I'm finally letting go of all the bad men from my past. Maybe I'm ready to love and respect and be led according to God's will. Lots of maybes but one thing I know for certain.

My man is one smart man.

"In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God."

~ 1 Corinthians 11:11-12

JC is my BFF....

TELL THEM ANYWAY....

It was a time in my life I will NEVER forget.

May 31, 2007.

I worked for Nationwide Insurance and that day our office (40 or so of us) were to attend a meeting for an announcement. They fed us lunch then herded us into a small room. Big wigs from headquarters were there to announce, or so we thought, our new RVP.

Instead my world stood still.

"The region is closing," they said. "Your jobs will be transitioned as soon as possible. You will receive your official 60-day notice in August some time to allow for a smooth transition."

SAY WHAT??

I liked my job. I thought I was pretty good at it. I was a new believer. I was a single parent. I was ANGRY.

Looking back on that time now I can tell you with 100% certainty that God had it all worked out ahead of me. Nationwide gave us 4 months to find another job. Pretty unheard of actually. We got to come to the office after the transition to use the days to find other employment....even outside the company. They provided for us well, I see that now looking back.

In October 2007 I stayed on with Nationwide temporarily to fill in for a girl going on maternity leave. This would extend my time with the company up until the holidays. Couldn't ask for more than that. I was blessed with some great connections in HR that allowed this to happen.....and God was providing. Just like He said He would.

It was a cold, snowy day in November 2007. I was so stressed. I knew the temporary job was coming to an end and there was nothing for me at Nationwide for permanent work. On my way home from work, I stopped at Walmart. I was in a short skirt and high heels. It was cold and very yucky weather that night. I couldn't find a parking spot close. I was running in my heels to get inside when I was splashed by a car driving by. I was furious and in tears.

Once inside I needed to collect myself.....and so into the restroom I went. I was so stressed. So worried about what next. Ready to explode I had so much emotion and worry in me. I headed into a stall....(this is where I start to blush). As I am going to the bathroom, I am praying. HARD.

"GOD, PLEASE. PLEASE. Show me what you want me to do. PLEASE. I cannot take this stress and worry any longer. IF YOU GET ME A JOB, I WILL TELL EVERYONE HOW AWESOME YOU ARE."

Careful what you pray. Careful WHERE you pray.

He showed up. RIGHT THEN. While I was on the toilet. Seriously, this is NOT a joke.

He said to me VERY CLEARLY.... "TELL THEM ANYWAY."

I was shocked. It was the first time I had ever heard Him so clearly. It was a big rush in my face....almost like he was nose to nose with me. "TELL THEM ANYWAY," He said. He sounded almost angry with me.

Was this a test? WOW. I started crying. Even harder than I already had been. I was laughing too. Because I KNEW He was there and He would do what He said He would do. If there was anyone in the stall next to me, I am sure they thought I was NUTS.

"Tell them anyway"....He was informing me, rather sternly, that my JOB was to declare that He was good. In all things. Highs AND lows. Ups AND downs. Good times AND horrible times.

I have never been the same since that day. I learned some very important lessons in that moment that I will NEVER forget:

1) BE CAREFUL WHERE YOU PRAY - God has no issues with privacy. HE WILL speak to you on the toilet.

2) NEVER doubt that He already knows the outcome. Never doubt that His plan WILL work and that He WILL provide.

3) TELL THEM ANYWAY. Tell everyone you know what God has done for you. Tell them of His amazing grace, patience, understanding and POWER. Tell them He is awesome and will NEVER leave you or forsake you. Tell them He is your rock and your salvation.

Go ahead. TELL THEM.

"For in the day of trouble He will keep me safe in his dwelling;

He will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me

high upon a rock.....Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart

and wait for the LORD." ~ Psalm 27:5, 14

JC is my BFF.....

Almost worry free....

"Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?"

~ Matthew 6:27

I soooo wish I was worry free. I'm not. I'm the biggest worry wart you will EVER meet. I don't know why, really. Mostly because of how I was raised, I think. Middle child. Only girl. Never had a chance.

But today, God told me something. He reminded me (boy....I need a lot of reminding) that He is here. Why waste my time worrying when He has it already handled? I can't handle things any better than He can so....STOP WORRYING.

It's really like telling someone to stop smoking. Now. Right this second. It's not that easy....BUT....it is as easy as making a decision and going with it.

So today.....I stopped worrying. And what do you know? IT WORKED. I received some answers to questions that I had about my job security. I learned that my church is going to allow me to start up the 5th grade ministry again (GULP) and run with my ideas. I learned that letting go of some serious worry makes way for some serious open doors.

I also worry about my relationship. How will it go? What will happen? I am so bad at them. Truly. But God reminded me of that too. He has all that worked out and I am learning....."A quick study" He called me. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride, He said. He showed me a little of the path I have come down then turned me around and showed me the path down which I am headed. He is so good. He knows just what to let me see, right when I need to see it.

As of this very moment, I am ALMOST worry free. Give me a break.....I am a mom you know! I can't stop worrying about EVERYTHING but I can give EVERYTHING to God. I'm gonna let Him have it because this momma has a ride to enjoy! I will throw my hands up and scream like a little girl on this rollercoaster of a life. Why? Because God is the seatbelt that is securely holding me in.

JC is my BFF!

Keenly aware.....

It's funny. How sometimes you are just plugging along, considering options and looking at your choices, then BAM. God shows up.

I personally have had this happen to me a few times in my life. When big, potentially life altering decisions need to be made. I, as you are well aware by now, deal only with what I HAVE to deal with and ignore the rest. Yes....that philosophy for life has bitten me on the backside more times than I care to admit but it is what it is.

In my drive to become more aware of God around me and pay closer attention to the situations of others, I have learned to see God in EVERYTHING. Even the little things. It sure is nice when He shows up in a big way (although the bushes at my house don't burn regularly, don't know about you). It's even nicer to hear His whisper. The soft, gentle nudge that He is there directing and discussing. I hear God's whisper every time I drive in bad weather. I hear it every time I hear a baby cry or a child laugh.

I am so thankful for God's whisper when I am shooting. My camera has become an extension of my arm. I look through the lens and God shows me so many awesome little things. He shows me the love that two people can have for each other. He shows me the beauty of the way the light hits the ground, the sunset/sunrise or the way the wind blows a tree.

He also has shown me how to keep moving, looking for the open door. God directs our steps, allows choices....what we do with those choices and what steps we take belong to us. Seek Him first and the choice will be clear. Seek Him second and the choice will almost always be one with more consequences than we anticipated.

So....I am keenly aware that God is here. All over. Movin' and shakin'. Opening doors for me and others around me. We can rest in the knowledge that He will provide, prepare and give us rest for our soul as decisions are made.

(Virginia Beach sunrise - July '08)

"Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven." ~ Psalm 107:28-30

JC is my BFF.....IS HE YOURS?

What I learned today....

I feel like God is everywhere these days....and then at the same time I wonder where He is. He's here with me, I know that. He's with you too. I've been talking to God a lot lately about things. Why hearts have to hurt. Why children are sick. Why people lose jobs and relationships. Why....just why.

A friend of mine from waaaaayyyy back (he was actually a buddy of my older brothers when I was little) has a son with cancer in his leg. What is the purpose of THAT? My church is going through tough times. Two beloved pastors let go yesterday. Really? PASTORS out of jobs? What is the purpose of THAT? A friend who happens to be a recovering gambler may have gotten back into his addiction and just may be doing some bad things to feed his habit. Why? Why when someone has come so far would they slip back? I have about 10 other examples of things happening, but you get what I'm saying.

I have no answers....only more questions. God doesn't say much to me about it when I ask other than to just be faithful and patient. He has it all worked out.

This morning I got up early. On a normal morning my alarm goes off at 5:45 a.m., then I snooze it until 6:25 and frantically run around trying to get out of the house. Nuts, I know. But today, I woke up at 5:15 a.m. Sat right up. Started praying for many things including the above and God sent me to the book of Jeremiah.....29:11-13 to be exact.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans for good and not disaster, plans to give you a future and a hope....when you pray I will listen. If you look for Me wholeheartedly, you will find Me."

There it is. The Answer. To why we hurt, why we have pain and sickness. Why we lose our jobs and struggle with addiction. BECAUSE GOD HAS A PLAN. This is His deal, His world, His to handle, not mine.

Now I don't know about you, but when I first accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I thought everything would be easier. Ha. Life really hasn't been any easier....BUT....it has gotten easier to be ME. To know who I am and why I'm here, why God created me....I could only do that with God's help.

I don't know why all these bad things happen. I don't know why life is the pits sometimes. I do know that through it all we can still LOVE, and LAUGH, and BE FILLED WITH JOY. I do know that through the yuckiness of life there are so many things to be thankful for. The laughter of a child. The love of your life kissing your back. The hands that we get to hold. The tears that we wipe away.

All of this makes the yuckiness bearable.

And that, my friend, is God's plan too.

JC is my BFF.....

Unloved no longer....

“I’ll call nobodies and make them somebodies; I’ll call the
unloved and make them beloved.” (Rom. 9:25 MSG)

During this spiritual journey I've been on, God has plopped some pretty awesome things down in front of me. Things I didn't know existed. Things I didn't know to be true. He has really opened up my world...all because I opened up mine to Him.

That's the key, you know. Stepping out in faith and being open to what God wants to show you. I truly believe that you need to be careful what you pray for though. I mean CAREFUL. If you ask for forgiveness in your heart for something someone has done to you, He'll give that to you but you can't then say you aren't ready for it or don't want it. It just doesn't work that way.

I asked for God to show me LOVE. What it really is. What it means. How to receive it and give it and....what the heck to do with it when you get it. I'll admit it. I have no idea how to be in a relationship or truly love someone in a positive, meaningful way (and I'm not talking about as a parent....just talking about in an adult relationship). I had no good role models for this growing up. I've seen and been a part of things as a child and, honestly, as an adult that just aren't ok and normal. But when I prayed for God to show me love, He showed me. Plopped it right down in front of my face.

I've learned that to love someone else you have to TRULY love yourself first. I'm not talking about being IN LOVE with yourself. That just leads to a sinful heart and opens you up to destruction. I'm talking about loving yourself as God does. Seeing in you what God sees. Believing in yourself the way God believes in you. When you get that tank filled up with God's love, it will flow out of you without any effort on your part. Sure....relationships take work, but it sure is a lot easier to give something if you have it available to you first.

God has emptied my heart and filled it back up again. He has showed me the hurt, heartache, pain that comes from unhealthy relationships and has filled me up and is preparing me for a healthy one. One that means seeking Him first. One that is His will and gives Him glory. God is paving the way for me to give what He has given me. My light will shine for Him sure enough.

I found on Max Lucado's website the following. It's a pretty cool way to remember who we are WITH Christ. Insert your name in the blanks. This is a great place to start and a great place to come back to when learning about the love God has for us, gives us and expects us to overflow to those around us. If you are struggling....and even if you are not....use this below to remind you of the gift that we are given everyday.

Christ in _____ is patient, Christ in _____ is kind. Christ in _____ does not envy, Christ in _____ does not boast, Christ in _____ is not proud. Christ in _____ is not rude, Christ in _____ is not self-seeking, Christ in _____ is not easily angered, Christ in _____ keeps no record of wrongs. Christ in _____ does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Christ in _____ always protects, always perseveres. Christ in _____ never fails.

This is the LOVE that God has shown me I am capable of giving and I deserve to receive.

JC is my BFF!

Joy = Strength

"The joy of the Lord is your strength." ~ Nehemiah 8:10

God keeps putting that one in my head. Been tossing it around trying to really understand what it means. I think today I have finally begun to get it. I've learned so much these last few months....it's hard to sort it all out and put words to it. The biggest thing I've learned so far is that with God I can have peace. True peace. And joy. Not the kind of joy that you get with a new car or a new whatever thing that makes you happy. The kind of joy you get when things are not going well, when you find yourself in a dark valley. You are able to smile through it and stay CALM knowing that God has it all planned out and is working ahead of you for your good. Now that's what I'm talkin' about.

I'm coming out of a valley....headed back up the mountain. God has been with me all the way. Teaching me, showing me, "cleaning out" my heart and helping me see how things should be. It's exciting, scary, fun and exhausting.

My journey to finding my true self is on-going, but I finally see pieces of the real me coming out. Things I want to share with others and I've started to realize that I am fully capable of making a lasting impression on this world for the better. God gave me gifts and talents and He is showing me who to share them with. I'm letting Him choose and make those choices and, boy, is that a ton easier! He knows their hearts and He knows their intentions. He's a pretty good "wing man"! :)

As you know, I am a very impatient person....I believe I have described myself as having the patience of a flea. That's getting easier too. I have always wanted to know how the story ends before I start reading it. I realized, with the help of a very good, smart friend, that if I know how it ends, I either won't go through it or will "prepare to lessen the pain" and miss the blessing God has planned. So....for the first time EVER....I started a new book and am all the way to chapter 7 and haven't even THOUGHT about looking at the end! God is so good. :0)

JC is my BFF....

Reflections on my blogger name....

My new friend Hope42Day has left a few comments so I checked out a post they wrote called "Reflections on my blogger name" which just told the story of why they chose Hope42Day. I thought that was a pretty cool idea so I decided to do the same.

One of my favorite verses and one that God has directed to me several times is Romans 8:30-32:

"And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?"

God showed me this verse when I was in a huge valley in my life and bad things were being said and believed about me by someone I trusted and loved. I was heartbroken and could not understand why these things were happening....why someone would say and truly believe this of me. Especially since it was far from the truth. When I read it, I saw that God had my back. That no matter what anyone else thought of me or said about me, God knew my true heart and believed in me. He gave His son for ME and IF GOD IS FOR ME WHO CAN BE AGAINST ME???

Whenever I have tough times or struggle with self esteem or worry, I just remind myself that God is for me. It has been brought to my attention that it is not correct to "change the verse to say me instead of us" and that I have it wrong. BUT LET ME ASSURE YOU. I don't. God gave me the OK. The green light. I got the nod from the Big Fella Himself to use it how I have. If I was a kid I'd be sticking my tounge out right now. :)

If you have a blog and are reading this, post a "Reflections on my blogger name" too. I'd love to know how you came up with your blog name!

JC is my BFF!

The Prize.....

It's Saturday night. No kids. TV all to myself....only I can't find the remote and it really stinks having to get up off the couch to change the channel. Amazing how dependant (and not to mention lazy!) I have become. With the remote I only have to move to shift around and get comfy. Without it, I have to actually get off my bum and do something. Whoa is me.

Anyway, I totally digress. The TV. To myself. That's what I was saying. Without the remote I found myself stuck on the documentary channel. The show I was forced to watch was "The Life of a Marathon."

Huh. I can watch this. Done two full marathons and two half marathons. I think I'll give this show a few minutes to see if it's worth getting up to see what else is on. Turns out, it was just the show I needed to watch. I have a feeling God even hid my remote. He has a crazy sense of humor.

It was following several people as they train for the 2005 (I think?) Chicago Marathon. Deena Kastor, Athens Olympic Bronze medalist, a Kenyon guy who is stinkin' good and several regular Joe's like you and me. It showed the 20 mile long runs where the trainer is giving a great speech to the group about how it's "just 20 miles" and all that hokey they fill you with before you take off (it works so I shouldn't call it hokey). At the end, it showed each as they went through the race. It showed their ups and downs, when they hit "the wall" and when they crossed the finish line exhausted and spent.

Then it hit me. Not a new revelation to many, I'm sure, but I've never really looked at running a marathon as a metaphor for life. But it is. A good one too. If you've never run a marathon, allow me to explain. If you have, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

You have the training. You start out unable to run even 1 mile. Not kidding. It hurts to even really just walk from the house to the trail. "Are we done yet?" is what you think in those first few minutes.

Eventually over time you work your way up to running 3 miles at a time, 5 miles at a time, 3-6 times a week. It feels GOOD. First mile for me always stinks....not until mile 3 do I get in my grove. But you realize finally that all your hard work is paying off and you are able to do more than you ever thought possible with just some practice and some dedication.

You get to your first "long run" day. A long run is when you run non-stop (seriously) for an extended mileage....10 miles, 15 miles, 20 miles, etc. Very important for training.

After several months of hard work, it's race day. You get to the start....your heart is pumping. In Honolulu I ran with 28,000 people. No kidding. That many people in ONE place. There is nothing more intense and exciting. You can feel the buzz in the air.

You start out fast....too fast probably, but it feels so good to finally get moving. Several months of training and this is the last 26.2 miles! You can do it! A steady, even pace settles in about mile 3. At mile 9 you are still going strong. Feel great and really have good wind and legs still.

I personally trained myself to run to the water stations which are on average situated along the course every 1.5 to 2.5 miles. I get to walk through the water station (I'm blond and running and drinking are not as easy as you think). Plus, I got to allow myself to say "I made it. Now to the next water station."

All along the course, you hear people cheering for you. Rooting you on. They don't know you and you don't know them but it doesn't matter. Many of them stand there for hours just to cheer the runners on. And you NEED them. Like you need water and electrolytes and air. You NEED them. They lift your spirits and give you encouraging words to keep you moving.

By mile 18 or so the "wall" starts to come on. Physically you are exhausted. Mentally your mind is telling your legs to quit....just sit down. Just stop for a few minutes. But your heart....ah, your heart. It's telling you NO. Keep moving. One foot in front of the other. You started this stupid, crazy thing so you WILL finish it.

What about the lady running next to you? For the last two miles or so you have really been struggling....feeling sorry for yourself cuz it stinkin' HURTS. Then all of the sudden she hits her wall and you see it. You shout to her "COME ON SISTA!!! You can do it! We are so almost there!" She smiles and you run by her with a renewed spring in your step. She needed you at that moment and you needed her.

Just a few short miles later, you see the finish line. It's off in the distance yet but you can SEE it. What a powerful motivator that is. You want it so bad. You want to get there and hear the crowd cheer you on. You want to just sit down. :)

As you cross the finish line your body now (for me at least) has a second wind! You feel so wonderful and can't even imagine what you've just accomplished. You are grinning ear to ear as the guy next to you throws up on a volunteer. NOTE: If you ever want to volunteer to help in a marathon, avoid the finish line. Throw up is common place around there.

How does all this relate to life, you ask? How doesn't it.

In life we "train". For grades, for jobs, for kids and marriage, FOR GOD.

In life we endure "long distances" of pain or strain.

In life we get to the place where we are at the "starting line"....first day of college, marriage, babies, jobs, our new (or re-newed) relationship with Jesus.

In life we hit "walls" when the tough times come. When we think we cannot go on for one more second, someone from "the crowd" cheers for us. Encourages us to keep moving.

In life we stumble and almost give up but the "runner" next to us says we are almost there....keep moving.

In life we get to "water stations" where we can walk and take a breather....get our minds reset for the next "water station".

In life we see the "finish line". We want it so bad we can taste it. We need to keep our eyes on that finish line....it directs us where to go and how to get there. That finish line, in my life, is Jesus. He is the only true victory I have when I cross the finish line. If I keep my eyes on the Him, everything around me is just that. Around me.

As I cross the finish line, I will look up and smile for the camera for I just ran the race of my life. And I know that Jesus is in the crowd, at the water station, the runner next to me and one who will put the finisher's medal around my neck. After all, it's that medal and His glory that I am running for.

WHERE ARE MY RUNNING SHOES? I need to put one foot in front of the other and not stop until I cross that finish line.

JC is my BFF!!!

"Don't you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets a prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in the training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with PURPOSE in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should." ~ 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

When God goes to the laundromat....

I'm a laundromat person. I am. And I'm not too ashamed of it either. I used to be but then I started to pay attention to my time there....and how little I had to be there versus in my basement doing laundry. I can get a week's worth done in an hour and a half. AND....it costs me less money. But really, I'm not here to justify why I am a laundromat person. I just am and I'm ok with it.

I love to go do laundry by myself....leave the girls home, take a book and get 'er dun. I've seen it all in that place. Seriously.

I live in a small town....maybe 3,500 people or so. Couple bars, several churches, 3 gas stations (all on the same corner!), one stop light and a laundromat. You know the place. Small town, anywhere. But it surprises me how many different types of people are in this town. Makes me wonder about their story....where they came from and why they are here of all places.

Today started out like every other time I've been in there. Once things are running, I grab my book and sit down. An older gentleman is there, waiting for his things to dry. He said hello as I walked in, nodded his head. Shortly after, a young mother came in with three children in tow. She seems....frazzled. Nothing new. I've had a frazzled moment or two in my day. So I go back to my book.

I'm starting a new to me Max Lucado book so I'm ready to dig in and not too excited about these little kids. I love kids, don't get me wrong. But I dislike very much when they are running and screaming and disturbing my "me" time. I can't help but pay attention to them. Oldest was about 8, next was probably 6 and the youngest maybe 3. Cute kids, but they were wound tight.

So as I was attempting to read (again....ADD, people....very easily distracted here), I decided to people watch instead. The man who was there quickly wrapped up his duties and left. The noise was clearly too much for him. I watched him leave and turned my attention to the middle kiddo. She was the only girl....much like me....poor kid was a brother sandwich. Pretty little girl with pigtails, sitting on the floor with her doll. Didn't seem to care much about where she was or what she was doing....all the while keeping a very close eye on her momma.

The boys were running around and around, climbing on the washers, the chairs, the tables. The oldest had a toy gun in his hand and kept putting it to his baby brothers face...."Bang! Bang!" he would shout at the top of his lungs. Each time I winced. I wanted so badly to take the gun from him. To explain what he was doing and how that was just not ok....even if it was a toy. I was blatantly aware that that was not my place and thanked God He gave me all girls. :)

By this time I am ready to put things in the dryer. As I walk over, I see mom sitting in the chair, her head in one hand, the other holding her phone.

"Please stop. Just please stop. That's not true."

The little girl has gotten up off the floor and is standing next to her mother now....the look on that little girl's face breaks my heart. She is hearing all of this and can't truly understand. But she KNOWS. She just does. She knows the hurt and the sadness. She sees her mom and wants it to go away, to be better.

I look at mom again. She is now rubbing something hanging around her neck. It's a cross....and she's rubbing it with all that she has. Her eyes close and a tear runs down her cheek. Also on the necklace is a wedding ring, hers I assume. She's rubbing that too. I wonder what her story is. What is she hearing? What is she thinking? Is she praying? I sure hope so and say a prayer for her myself. Right then and there.

I've been there. Been that little girl, been that mom. Been praying so hard it hurts and mad because the prayer I wanted wasn't answered. I've been in her shoes...or what I assume are her shoes. And my heart aches for her. I want to tell her she will be ok, but will she? Will it all work out? By God's standards you bet it will. But does she KNOW that? I pray that she does and if she doesn't she opens the door to her heart so God can show her what He has shown me.

She hangs up the phone and stands up. She looks at me and our eyes meet. For only a brief second. I smile at her....just had no words. She smiles back. What a pretty girl....even with her red, tear stained face.

God showed up in that moment. I KNOW it.

She grabbed her daughter and pulled her close to her hip and said to me, "Sorry for bothering you." I told her it was fine and asked if she was ok. She said yes and that it was just "one of those days". I told her I understood. More than she knows. I know about those days.

We chit chatted a bit and when it was time for me to leave I told her that I had prayed for her. That I just wanted her to know that I was asking God to give her to some peace. She looked at me and smiled. She said she was praying for the same thing so maybe, if both of us were praying that, maybe God would finally hear her.

I know He did. Hear her that is. He hears her prayers before she even says them. He knows her desperate need before she can even understand it herself.

God was there in that laundromat today. Doing what He does. "Cleaning" hearts and "washing" souls.

I'm a laundromat person....now more than ever. God shows up in the most unlikely places. Even the laundromat.

JC is my BFF....

Breathe in. Breathe out. Move on.

I read something the other day....something that has just stuck with me and I can't seem to shake.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Move on.

It came from an unlikely source...a fellow blogger that I have never met but has changed me just by having read his blog. He posted about a person who left an anonymous comment to something else he had written. His response to this anonymous comment was many things including 1) insightful, 2) God-driven and 3) touching. Anyway, I thanked him for his insight and wanted him to know that his blog was a blessing to me. His words a God send. He said those words to me in response.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Move on.

I'm not sure how God does it....uses perfectly good strangers to tell you what He wants you to know. Someone I would never cross paths with has spoken 6 words to me that God has been telling me for sometime....I just wasn't hearing Him so He found someone else to say them. A God-sized QTip to clean out my ears and HEAR Him.

I just looked up the meaning of breathe in the dictionary. I get the move on part. I'm pretty good at that. But breathing? I think I forget to do that most days (not literally....you know what I mean). It means all the obvious things like inhale, exhale, etc. But then this....

Breathe: to pause and rest before continuing.

Huh. Have I paused lately? Have I rested? Napped, yes, but rested? Rested in God's Word or paused to listen to His direction? I tell myself I have. I pray and ask God for guidance as I drive 80 miles an hour down the interstate. I read my Bible and search for answers to questions I have. I listen to the pastor at church and vow to have a good week seeking Him first. But....but. There is always a but. That's not what He wants from me. I can see that He is telling me to really pause. Take a breather. Certainly keep praying while driving and any other time of the day I feel the need but take special time with Him in the quiet and pray and listen. Really listen. THEN move on. Make good choices and decisions based on those intimate conversations when I am truly breathing.

So my new years resolution (I know, they rarely stick but this one will be different) will be to carve out some alone time with God.

Pause.

Rest.

....And move on.

JC is my BFF....

So full....

My heart is just so full. For the first time in a really long time....maybe ever.

I've been thinking a lot about the last year and finally just feel at rest. God has been working on my heart for so long and while it will always be a work in progress, I finally understand what it means to be head over heals in love.

With Jesus.

An unconditional love. One where you will follow someone off the ends of the earth. Do things you never thought you'd do just to please Him. I've never felt like this before....you can't with a hardened, dark heart. It's just not possible. Each of us has a God-sized hole and there is absolutely nothing that can fill that hole except God Himself. My hole is now filled and the hard part is keeping it filled to the top and overflowing with Him. I don't mean that He will come and go as He pleases...'cuz He won't. Says so right in the Bible. He will never leave me or forsake me. He is always constantly pursuing ME. Yep...ME (and you by the way). Pursuing my heart, my thoughts, my desires, my everything. The trick to keeping Him in that hole is ME. I have to keep my eyes on Him. Keep my "God goggles" on and see others as He sees them too. And that ain't easy.

So on this Christmas Eve as the girls and I sit down to dinner we are going to share what we are thankful for. At the top of my list will be Jesus. What an awesome, wonderful gift that God gave us. I guarantee there is NOTHING wrapped under my tree that is quite as good a gift.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY 8LB., 6OZ. BABY JESUS...OR AS OUR FRIENDS IN THE SOUTH CALL YOU...JESUS." -- Talladega Nights.... :)

JC IS MY TRULY BFF....

It's what I'm thankful for....

With Turkey Day being tomorrow and all, I figured it was time to dust off my two Thank You God Lists (here and here) and add a few more to it. In going back and reading them....its been a long few months. So...without further delay....

16) Thank you, God, for reminding me that it is You that is in charge. No matter how hard I try, I cannot change Your plan for me. And in the end....Your plan is always better anyway.

17) Thank you for the roof over our head, the car that gets us all over the place, the warm in the winter and the cool in the summer, the clothes on our backs and the food that keeps our tummys full. Your provision, IN ALL THINGS, is more than enough. Thank you.

18) Thank you for my family. And my girls. And my friends. All of them are a gift and I work hard everyday to remember that life is short and I should not take anyone for granted. I'm still workin' on that one....

19) THANK YOU for your Word. I need to spend more time with it but have found a new and lasting desire to be in Your Word more often and rely on it to guide me.

20) Thank you for grandma's stuffing. And angel food cake. And strawberry pretzel dessert. And turkey. Oh...and GRAVY. You know what? Thank you, God, for my grandma.

and finally....

21) THANK YOU for HOPE. Hope in You. Hope in things to come. Hope in the restoration of my heart and others around me. Hope that comes only from knowing You.

Happy Turkey Day everyone. GOBBLE, GOBBLE.

JC is my BFF...

So I was thinkin....

I know. Dangerous. Stick with me though....

I was thinking about how God works. How He answers prayers and opens doors. Then how He sometimes closes doors and chooses not to answer a prayer. I have often struggled with this....knowing if a door is really closed or if I should keep praying that same unanswered prayer. I wonder if He ever gets TIRED of hearing me ask for something He knows I don't need or isn't in line with His plan. It would be like a nagging child asking for candy every time you go to the grocery store:

Kiddo: "Candy, momma?"
Momma: "No."
Kiddo: "Why?"
Momma: "'Cuz I said so." (my favorite line, by the way)
Kiddo: "BUT WHY?"
Momma: "Argh...."

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat again.

Now I don't know about you but it makes me NUTS when my kids ask for things over and over again and never hear me say no. I suppose that's how it is for God. I ask over and over and He just keeps closing the door. Just keeps listening and being patient with me....I guess if I knew what He knows about my life ahead of me, I might be patient too! :)

I guess what I have been thinking about really is how when one is mature (or more mature) in their relationship with Him they somehow recognize when a door is closing. Instead of banging their head against that door (or in my case breaking the window and reaching in to unlock from the inside) they recognize it's closed and instead of standing there staring at it, they keep moving, keep walking and trying other doors. Man, that's hard.

"I want THIS door God. Don't you see? Don't you hear my prayers? Don't you WANT me to have this? WHY?" and so the conversation goes. I sound like a child. BUT there is hope for me. I'm learning. With this last door that just SLAMMED (like a mad teenager!), I've learned. God is telling me to keep walking.

Then it hit me. God knows the desires of my heart....even when I truly don't. He knows my deepest desperate need...even when I don't. It is not my job to question Him about why certain doors are open and others are closed. My job is to praise Him at all times, in all things. NOT just when things are good. God showed me this today....."I call on the LORD in my distress, and he answers me." ~ Psalm 120:1. Then He showed me this...."In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:18.

So....I will stop whining and stomping my feet to get that darn door back open. I will trust that God knows what He's doing and keep walking. Walking and learning. Praising Him all the way.

GOD IS GOOD!

JC is my BFF....

Then here it is. The door to NOWHERE....the one I keep trying to open goes nowhere.

** UPDATE ** One of the SMARTEST ladies I know just made a comment about this post on my FaceBook and I absolutely have to share. She said this "......then you close your eyes and see if you feel the breeze.......of another opened window or door..........." I LOVE IT. With patience and some practice I bet I'll be able to feel that breeze. THANKS, MY FRIEND. THANKS.

Silver lining....it's there.

I'm not a big fan of Obama. I'm just not. Don't get the "share the wealth" thing and quite frankly he scares me. Not convinced that he isn't the anti-christ either. BUT...he was just elected president and made history. I am proud to be an American....that our country has come so far from slavery and segregation. I am scared for the what next but I will pray for our country's new leaders to get on a knee and ask God for guidance....in all things. He is the same as He was before this election and He is the same today. Got this in an email today and it is right on...."We will move forward as a Nation into the history that God has preordained. These events and all events are only God’s hand at work and we have the privilege to witness it." Amen.

I will always remember where I was when the space shuttle exploded. I will always remember where I was on 9/11. And now....I will always remember where I was when history was made and America elected it's first black president.

On my way to work this morning....had to pull over to take some pictures of the beautiful sunrise. God was showing us all that He has a silver lining. These pictures do not do justice to the beauty this morning.

JC is my BFF....

Breast cancer, presidential election and Psalm 27...

Random thoughts on a few things I just feel like talkin' about:

Breast Cancer

Tomorrow is the Susan G. Komen "Race for the Cure" here in Des Moines. With my crazy busy schedule I won't be running this year....wish I had thought in advance to put that on the calendar....next year maybe. And I probably should start training again. I don't know if I could even run three miles these days! :) Anyway, today at work we are celebrating Breast Cancer Awareness Month with a pink food contest, best decorated office contest, etc. I wore my pink shirt and brought my pink almond bark pretzels in to share with my co-workers. It has been one of those weird months....two people in my office have or are recovering from breast cancer. I really should pull my head out of the sand and go get that baseline mamo that is two years over due. Chill. Don't send me any "OMG, YOU NEED TO GO TODAY" emails. I know, I know.

Presidential Election

I read a blog today that I follow regularly (See "Zawisza Tribune" on my blog list on the right) and here is what it said about our upcoming presidential election. If you know me at all you know that I am N.O.T. into politics and as you read above I have a "head in the sand" mentality about things. This was AWESOME....

TOP 10 PREDICTIONS NO MATTER WHO WINS THE ELECTION

1. The Bible will still have all the answers.
2. Prayer will still work.
3. The Holy Spirit will still move.
4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people.
5. There will still be God-anointed teaching and healing.
6. There will still be singing of praise to God.
7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.
8. There will still be room at the Cross.
9. Jesus will still love you.
10. Jesus will still save the lost.

Amen to that....

Psalm 27

So....as I think about breast cancer and our upcoming election (they really have nothing to do with each other but that's how my mind works), I am reminded of one of my favorite scriptures....Psalm 27. God placed this scripture on my heart not long ago when I was struggling with a lot of things...my past, my future, my heart and my purpose. I will never forget the relief I felt when I read this for the first time. It was God reminding me that He is in control and He will protect me always if I just put my faith in Him. These words remind me that no matter the economy, no matter who is choosen to run our country and no matter if our bodies are filled with illness, pain or otherwise, He is my protector and my shield.

"The LORD is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?

The LORD is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?

When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh,

when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.

Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear;

though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.

One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,

to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek Him in His temple.

For in the day of trouble He will keep me safe in His dwelling;

He will hide me in the shelter of His tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.

Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me;

at His tabernacle will I sacrafice with shouts of joy;

I will sing and make music to the LORD.

Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;

be mericful to me and answer me.

My heart says of you, "See His face!"

Your face, LORD, I will seek.

Do not hide your face from me,

do not turn your servant away in anger;

You have been my helper.

Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior.

Though my father and mother forsake me,

The LORD will receive me.

Teach me your way, O LORD;

lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors.

Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,

for false witnesses rise up against me, breathing out violence.

I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

WAIT FOR THE LORD;

BE STRONG AND TAKE HEART

AND WAIT FOR THE LORD."

JC is my BFF....is He yours???

In His image....

Every morning on my way to work I go by these beautiful ponds (one lower, one upper smaller one). It happens to be in the backyard of some farmer person and I am sooo jealous that they get to see this every day. Most mornings, especially now that it is getting colder outside, there is a fog coming off the water. Absolutely beautiful. I took the picture above late last month (and it is NOT my best....fundamental issues with exposure, etc. but it serves the point I'm trying to make here) and I was mesmerized by what I was seeing as I sat along side the road. It occurred to me that the trees next to the pond are a perfect reflection in the water. Then, as if God took His large hand and smacked me upside the head, I totally got the comparison between the perfect reflection of the trees in the pond and how God created us all in His perfect image.

I love it when He smacks me upside the head. Really, I do.

I wish I had some great insight on how to better live to "reflect" God within us or what it really means to be created in God's image....I don't. What I do know is that God created us for His pleasure, with a plan and a purpose to serve and love Him and to love one another as ourselves. I wish I had great words of wisdom on how to love the person sitting next to you in that cubicle carrying on like an idiot about the happenings in your office, or how to love your neighbor who keeps raking their leaves in your yard and thinking you don't notice, or how to love that spouse who keeps hurting you with words of unkindness or insensitivity....but I don't. All I know....and I know that I know that I know....that God is working ahead of each of us paving the way, making crooked paths straight and preparing to reward us for our faithfulness. If we place all our cares and worries with Him at the foot of the cross, our "reflection" gets more perfect every day.

JC is my BFF....