I'm a snooze hitter. Not once, not twice and not even three times usually. I hit it upwards of 8 times...every morning. My husband on the other hand? He could get up on the first ring....old Army guy, ya know.
It's during that "half asleep, half awake" stage that I usually have my best thoughts and brightest ideas. It's also the clearest time of day for me personally to hear God.
Lights off. Warm under the covers. Not fully aware of what I need to be doing and still not yet in high gear to start the day.
This morning was no exception.
God clearly said to me this morning, "Why do you treat me like a big time actor in your small time production? Why do you think that I'm too big, too famous, too anything to show up for you? You've booked me. I said I'd come. Why, then, do you not believe that I will? And, by the way, who said your production is small time anyway? I didn't."
I nearly sat straight up. Rubbed the sleep from my eyes and looked around. It was a bit shocking and a bit hard to believe. I laid back down and thought about what He'd just said to me.
Mark and I are reading the book of Jeremiah together every night before we go to sleep. We just started it and the first few chapters are God pretty angry with His people for idolizing other gods and acting as if He was doing things wrong. Acting as if He wasn't there....
And God was right. I do treat Him as if He is too big for me, too big to care about what I have going on in my little "small time production". I struggle with His ability to see me or care about me on a daily basis. I KNOW that to be false but yet that's where the fat bastard has his biggest stronghold.
Mark and I are also reading a nightly devotional and last night was the difference between faith and trust. I have FAITH in God....I know who He is, I know He is there. But, trust? That I don't have....not enough, anyway. The example in the devotional was a wheel barrel and a tightrope across the Niagara Falls. I have faith that God could walk that tightrope and push the wheel barrel across with no problem. But....would I climb in that wheel barrel and let Him push me across the falls on that tightrope? Gulp. I don't think so.
And I believe that was God's point. I have faith in Him, I just don't trust Him enough to do what He says He will do.
Now what? I don't know the answer to that question or how to even begin to believe. He's worked in my life....seen it first hand on numerous occasions, but yet I still doubt.
So I will take today, right now, right this second as it comes and I will remind myself that HE IS HERE. He already showed up. He said He'd come and He did. That's all I can do and that's all I can ask of Him.
Amen and amen.