Today is a day where I find myself simply OVERWHELMED. I can hardly get a grip on things. My intense need to control life is wearing me out. It's my own fault, though. I KNOW better. I KNOW it's not up to me and that change is GOOD! EVERYTHING around me is changing. Some for the better, some not. I just need to figure out how to deal with it.
Alli graduates from high school in just 9 days. Her grad party is this Saturday. With that alone, I'm filled with emotions - pride, overwhelming excitement, fear, worry and all that junk...and all at the same time. She is GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL! Woot! That is an accomplishment for both her and me. My first child making her way into adulthood! Yeah! We did it and without any major scars to our relationship! HAHA!! YES!
And then, before I even get that sentence fully typed, I'm filled with fear and worry. What if's and who will's and my heart wants to protect her and be there. BUT, I can't. She is ready....I'm the one who isn't. Yeah, I've been telling everyone I am but, between you and me, I'm not.
Mark's mom is not getting better....sleeping more, on morphine more each day and it's HARD. Hard to watch her (even though I know where she is going and I WILL see her again), even harder to watch him. She is his mom. She is special to him and vice versa. I never thought it would be this hard. God has it all in His hands and is working this all out before us, but it's still HARD.
I need some stinkin' chocolate.....